For the one I loved I loved the most.

 

Never saw us breaking apart like that. Personally, I think I'm pretty good in seeing how things will turn out. I've seen us ending up together, of course. Little flat in the village, fresh fruit and vegetables whenever we wanted. Everything you wish you'd accomplished eventually going your way. Me following your lead while doing my thing. I'm in peace with the fact I'm Jack. Not a well written one, but cut from the same cloth. If I had you things would be all right. Right like God was never here.

But He is. Fucking everywhere.

I also imagined us following different paths, you eventually finding out someone who could give you all things I couldn't. I can't. Cause let's be real here, I am all you've ever needed. You know that. Always got your back, always loved you right. Thing is, even though you know I'm all you need, you just want more than me. And I'm plenty aware of my shortcomings, which makes it all worse when I realize you're aware of them as well. And you see all I see wrong in me and you not only agree with me, but also decided to go elsewhere because of it. Even here, I'd imagined we would be close together, somehow. I'd go to your wedding, maybe with a plus one. probably not. And I'b be happy for you. Not bittersweet happy, but genuinely happy for you. You got what you wanted. And I loved you so much that's all I wanted for you as well. And next week we would have drinks and shittalk our own children and partners.

But I hadn't imagined we would turn out like this. Pure silence.

Ren Angst.

And I know why I pulled away, of course. You're so clever you might as well have figured it out, too. I tried as hard as I could to walk near you. You just wouldn't walk with me right?? You'd feel like walking with everybody but me, I saw it. And it's fine now. You have felt like it for a while, longer than you could realize, I guess, since we stopped being friends way before all of it crumbled away. Did you see it as well?? It's so sad. But my tears are so dryed up I can't even feel sad anymore. I can't even feel like I loved you the way I did. Isn't it sad?? I'd like so much to hear from you, even though I don't feel like it most of times. Did you cry for me as I cried for you?? I don't even want you to answer me, 

I know you too much for that, after all.

FALOU!!